This weekend, I spent time with my family celebrating my mom’s birthday at Medieval Times.

Full knight jousting, clashing swords, strangely good? chicken, the works.

Now, normally this is exactly the type of thing I would’ve found an excuse to skip. Too much family time makes me anxious. Too many people. Too loud. And that weird humming guilt I get when I’m not working…

The one where you’re physically present but mentally miles away, thinking about all the things you “should” be doing instead.

For years, that was my default mode. I’d show up to family events but stay on my laptop in the corner. I’d be at dinner but checking my phone every five minutes. I was there, but I wasn’t really there.

I told myself this was what it took to be successful. That’s what all the business gurus on the internet seemed to preach: hustle harder, sacrifice more, work while everyone else is celebrating.

The Part I’ve Been Getting Wrong

After the tournament ended (our knight lost, tragically), lost in thought about how much I was actually connecting with my family. I had this strange moment where I realized:

All those books I’ve read about personal development. All those courses on productivity and business strategy. All that time spent trying to “fix” what was seemingly broken in me…

None of it was actually helping me connect with the people I love or wanted to serve.

In fact, it was doing the opposite.

I’d turned self-improvement into another place to hide. Another way to avoid the uncomfortable work of actually showing up for people.

Because here’s the truth: It’s easier to read a book about being a better person than it is to actually be a better person in the moment when it matters.

It’s easier to study communication strategies than to have a vulnerable conversation with your dad.

It’s easier to consume content about connection than to actually connect.

And I kept telling myself, “Once I learn this one more thing, once I improve just a little bit more, THEN I’ll be ready to really show up.”

But that day never comes.

I articulated this well in this reply to a piece I loved on Substack:

What Changed

After Medieval Times, something unexpected happened.

I mentioned to family I couldn’t go to Texas without getting an In-N-Out burger. No one wanted to drive but my Dad wanted to go too. So I offered to take him. Just the two of us.

Now, I should make it very clear, my parents get serious anxiety driving in Dallas traffic. And I’m talking white-knuckle, death-grip-on-the-armrest anxiety.

But I love driving. It’s one of the few times my brain actually shuts up. So against my better judgement (since alone time isn't something my Dad and I really do), I offer to drive us over there and get a burger together.

So there we were, weaving through Dallas traffic, sunroof open, eating good food, missing every exit because my dad thought he lost his phone (he hadn’t), racking up what I’m pretty sure was $150 in toll roads…

And I had the time of my life.

At one point, we stumbled upon this place called Ford’s Garage, a restaurant filled with vintage Ford cars. My dad’s eyes lit up like a kid in a candy store when he saw it.

He wanted to go inside but was being polite about it, the way parents do when they don’t want to inconvenience you.

I already knew we were going in. Because I knew him.

And as we walked around looking at those old cars, with my dad telling me stories about each model, something clicked:

I was treating him the way I’d always wished he’d treated me as a kid.

Patient. Curious. Present. Actually listening instead of just waiting for my turn to talk.

And in that moment, I felt something in me heal.

Not because I read a book about healing. Not because I took a course on father-son relationships.

Because I was finally willing to let the experience change me.

The One Thing That Matters More Than Skill

My friend John Smith writes about this in his work on connection. He says that real connection happens when we’re willing to let others change something in us.

Not control us. Not fix us. Just… change us.

Most of us spend our entire lives resisting that change.

We build walls. We stay busy. We hide behind our work, our goals, our endless self-improvement projects.

We tell ourselves we’re “working on ourselves” when really we’re just avoiding the vulnerability of letting someone in.

I see this pattern everywhere now.

In business, we study marketing strategies instead of actually talking to our customers.

We take courses on copywriting instead of writing vulnerable emails to our audience.

We analyze successful creators instead of creating our own genuine content.

We mistake learning for progress.

But after years of doing this the hard way I’ve learned:

Your audience doesn’t need you to be more skilled. They need you to be more honest. More present. More vulnerable.

Your customers don’t need you to know more. They need you to understand them better. To listen. To hold space for them.

Your family doesn’t need you to be perfect. They need you to be present.

What Your Business Actually Needs

For those of us building something online, a blog, a course, a creative business, there’s this constant pressure to have it all figured out.

To be the expert. To have the perfect system.

We think, “I need to take one more course. Read one more book. Master one more skill. THEN I’ll be ready to really connect with my audience.”

But that’s not what your audience is waiting for.

They’re not waiting for you to become some polished, perfect version of yourself. They’re waiting for you to show up as you are and help them with what you already know.

Think about the creators and businesses you actually connect with. The ones where you read every email, watch every video, buy every product.

Are they the most technically skilled? The most polished? The most “professional”?

Or are they the most honest?

The ones willing to share their struggles. The ones who talk to you like a real person. The ones who aren’t afraid to say, “I don’t have it all figured out either, but here’s what I’ve learned.”

That’s the content that changes lives. Not because it’s perfectly crafted, but because it’s genuinely connected.

The Shift

Here’s what nobody talks about when they’re selling you courses:

The hard part isn’t learning the skills. The hard part is showing up vulnerably and open enough to actually connect and make the work a priority.

It’s scary to hit publish on something personal.

It’s uncomfortable to have real conversations with your customers instead of hiding behind email templates.

It’s terrifying to create something that actually matters to you, because if it fails, that’s supposed to mean something about who you are.

But that’s exactly what creates connection. That’s what makes people care about your work instead of just consuming it and moving on.

I spent years trying to build a business by following everyone else’s blueprint:

• Study successful creators
• Learn all the technical skills
• Master the strategies
• Perfect the systems

And you know what I created? A lot of half-finished projects and a whole lot of stress.

Because I was so focused on doing it “right” that I forgot to do it honestly.

The content that actually connects? It comes from the conversations I have with friends. It comes from brain dumps in my notes. It comes from experiences like driving my dad around Dallas.

The wisdom isn’t in the courses I take. It’s in the life I’m living, if I’m willing to pay attention to it.

The Practice That Actually Works

Since my break from social media, I’ve been writing more than ever. Not because I’m more disciplined, but because I finally have a system that makes it natural AND my attention back to use it.

Every conversation I have goes into my notes. Every insight gets captured. Every experience becomes potential content, not in a gross, exploitative way, but in a “my life actually means something and might help someone else” way.

The more I connect with my customers one-on-one, the better my content gets.

The more I write vulnerably about my real experiences, the more people actually engage.

The more I focus on genuine connection instead of perfect execution, the more my business grows.

It’s not magic. It’s just honest.

But being honest requires being willing to change. Being willing to let your customers’ needs shape what you create. Being willing to let your experiences, even the messy ones, become your content.

What This Means For You

If you’re trying to build something online, here’s what I want you to hear:

You don’t need to wait until you’re “ready.”

You need to be willing to show up vulnerable.

That email you’re scared to send? Send it.

That piece of content that feels too personal? That’s probably the one people need most.

That conversation you’re avoiding with a customer? That’s where your next breakthrough lives.

The work isn’t learning more. The work is connecting more.

And connection requires vulnerability. It requires being willing to let others change you. It requires showing up as you are, not as you think you should be.

Here’s My Challenge to You

Think about what you wished someone had created for you when you were struggling.

What did you need to hear? What would have helped? What would have made you feel less alone?

Now go create that.

Not perfectly. Not when you’re ready. Not after one more course.

Right now. As you are. With what you know.

Because someone out there needs exactly what you have to offer. But they’ll never find it if you keep hiding behind the endless pursuit of being “good enough.”

Heal in others what has been broken in you.

Or better yet, create for others what you wish someone had created for you.

That’s not just good marketing. That’s good living. And maybe that’s what’s more important...

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Quote of the Week

“Connection is the bidirectional shaping of entities. At the most basic level it means ‘what affects you affects me.’” — John David Coddington Smith

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What I’m Working On

After all this reflection, I’m doubling down on connection in this next season of life. I’m finishing CreateOS not as some perfect product, but as the tool I wished I’d had years ago. I’m making more videos not because I’ve mastered YouTube, but because I have things worth sharing. And I’m talking to customers more, because that’s where the real work happens.

If you’ve been on the fence about starting your own creative project, your own blog, your own business… this is your sign. Not to take another course. To actually start.

And if you want to document your journey the way I do? CreateOS makes it stupidly simple. But that’s a conversation for another email.

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Cheers,
Noah Riggs

P.S. If this hit you in anyway, hit reply and tell me. I read every response. And honestly? Those conversations with readers are often what spark my next piece of writing.

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